We Must Be Dreaming...

The Heavy Hitter

2011-12-02T06:40:00.001-08:00

<p><p>I wasn't even unemployed.&nbsp; I was driving around with my "brother-in-law" (in reality I don't think I even recognized him) and he proposed that I start working with him as a heavy for a mob boss.&nbsp; I don't know why, but that sounded at the time like a really good side job.&nbsp; I took it, and became a the 3rd member of this beat-em-up gang. We came back to his house in a city I took to be Las Vegas (because of a later scene) and received our first assignment already.&nbsp; we were gonna rough up some guys on a golf course / country club.&nbsp; We piled into my bro's big, lifted silverado and took off for the location.&nbsp; Before we went there, though, we stopped at a quickie mart and picked up a couple of things, one of them being a packet of some mysterious powder. My brother-in-law grabbed a glass and filled it with water then poured the powder into it and forced me to drink it. I did grudgingly, bit realized it was pretty good crap. I had no idea what it was or what it had to do with the rest of the dream. Anyway, we got there and walked right past the line of people waiting to get in like we owned the place.&nbsp; As soon as we walked in there were the three stupidest guys in the world just goofing off right before our eyes.&nbsp; I walked up to the really tall one and the three dudes finally noticed what was about to go down.  I slammed the big guy square in the stomach.  We brawled kinda slow, these guys weren't very good and we easily trashed them.  One of the guys who was fighting me decided that he was going to get dirty and grabbed a stick and broke it in half like he was gonna jab it into my shoulder or something.  I said, "seriously?  I thought you were better than that... this was a fair fight, and you go bringing that in." He hesitated, almost feeling a little dumb, and as he flinched I grabbed the sticks and threw them away, then pounding him on the nose.  Once these guys had had enough we kinda just fizzled down, and had a little shoot-the-breeze with them, mostly discussing their technique.  It turns out one of my fellow cronies was Jake, one of the hairiest men I've ever met and former bandmate, and he decided to start playing Arctic Monkeys on his phone as his victory song.  We shook hands with the guys we just beat up and left the same way we came.  Kinda.</p>
<p>It took a while to walk to the truck, a lot longer than it took to walk in to the golf course.  While we were in there someone shifted and rearranged the city and we were somehow in the red light district.  As we were leaving the golf course and passing the line of people I started running.  In midair.  While moving forward by kicking my feet.  Everyone in the line saw it, and it was awesome... till my brother-in-law told me to knock it off.  We walked down the street and passed a nudie bar where grown men could not just look but touch.  It was gross... and one couple apparently reminded my brother-in-law of Danny and Mauve, our aunt and uncle (in my dream there was some sort of event that happened when they went to France - they apparently got naked and started making out in front of the eiffel tower).  We finally got to the truck and started driving home when we realized that my brother-in-law wasn't driving at all - our Japanese mob boss (played by the Asian guy on Star Trek Enterprise) had taken the reigns.  He drove us to our house, then, parking outside, proceeded to tell my brother-in-law that he did a really crappy job.  I had a series of plates I was holding on to and apparently they were how we got our payment from the boss.  I held them up toward him and he looked at me, then slowly placed three rolls - rolls! - on each plate and expected me to get them out of his face. We looked into the window of our house for the first time and it was trashed - some other heavies came in and destroyed the place. And right before my brother-in-law slammed big boss in the throat, I woke up.

End.

7/26 - 7/27: The latest Craze

2011-07-27T06:00:00.001-07:00

I was on a trip with my family-in-law (I seem to be having a lot of those experiences in my dreams lately), this time going to the Grand Canyon. I've been there before, it's cool. And boring. I wasn't super thrilled. As we got there, everyone just split. I tracked some of them down and entered this cut scene (if you haven't gathered by now, my dreams like to get cinematic, thanks to my real-world experiences with film editing) of a lady jumping off the canyon edge Laverne & Shirley style. I contently watched as she and this horse plummeted to their fast demise... that is, until they didn't fall. The horse was hooked on to some sort of device that prevented it from not only falling to their death, but falling whatsoever. The horse and its senior citizen rider were zooming straight off the edge where they jumped and then booming straight back, like that ride on las Vegas' Stratosphere hotel that shot you off the side of the tower and left you hanging. Except over the Grand Canyon. And on a horse. Take that, Old Spice Man.

With the cut scene over I walked right on over to replace where they hook you up and started asking them questions. Unfortunately, before I was able to convince them to give me a free ride, I went on to the next dream, which did not involve my family-in-law, and was infinitely less cool. Those two things are not related.

7/22-7/23: End of the Band

2011-07-23T04:55:00.001-07:00

It had been a while since any of us had played together, a long while. Tyrone decided it was time to try things anew. The band never officially broke up, just kind of dissolved. Regardless, Tyrone (the ring leader) wanted some fresh blood. He called me to still play the bass, but the drummer was new and the old guitarist was cut out altogether. At the end of our first practice together, someone dropped the message to the other old bandmates that the band was reforming without them. Mo, clearly the largest and most violent of the two cut-outs, started to fish for information.

"Why did you guys meet up and not tell us?!? Answer me!"

And quickly, without giving Tyrone time to try to smooth things over, the new drummer Marty retorted, "YOU'RE OUT OF THE BAND!"

Mo immediately thrust his fist in the direction of Marty's face as Marty came into a full tackle-ready postion to take down Mo. The old drummer kind of just stood there, and I think Tyrone just started throwing rocks. All in all it was a pretty pathetic brawl, and it was abandoned quickly, morphing into more of a verbal fight at best. Once everyone had began to breathe again, we all just took off.
END

(From Madeleine) 1/30-1/31: When Family History gets a little too intense:

2010-01-31T13:52:00.000-08:00

So here's the dream:

Right now I'm taking a class...to finish up my bachelors degree. I had this dream about this assignment for this one class I have. In reality the class is family history, but in this dream we were being briefed before we were thrown into a pool. A scary pool full of caskets of people that had already died. Our assignment was to go and try to save one of these people which means there was time travel involved or maybe just seeing into the future.

My group was given this assignment to save this little boy. So while we were in this pool we see the boy who is...not the happiest death victim I must say; very chubby brown haired boy with chocolate still smeared on his face. All of a sudden we are out of the pool and are given tickets and an itinerary for our assignment. We are going to board the flight that went down and led to this boys death. There is a lot of chaos as we board the plane. My group and I are able to trade seats so that we can all sit together in the row behind the boy.

This wasn't a normal plane. It had theatre seating with ten seats across and an isle in the middle. I could see the top of the boys head. My group partners tried to get the boy's attention a few times, but he was very rude. He spat on one of the other girls in the group. Finally...I realized I had a snickers in my bag. I pulled it out and offered it to the boy and struck up a conversation. He had these small action figures and wanted to play. So I took one and I was pretending to be him and he was pretending to be his grandpa. (I work with kids so pretend playing isn't too out of the ordinary.) I pretended to walk in and say "oh hi grandpa". The boy's response was very mean "What are you doing here! You're supposed to be in school!" And then the grandpa hit the boy action figure that was actually me. And the boy action figure's arm broke. I was very alarmed at the relationship the boy showed with his grandpa. I decided we would go to the hospital and put the boy action figure's arm back on. Which really meant that I found one of my partners who happened to have pink masking tape. We made a cast and reattached the arm and then everything seemed to be okay.

And then the plane lurched. We were flying over the ocean. I don't know how but the back half of the plane detached from the front and we went crashing down into the ocean. The back of the plane sank into the ocean. The front of the plane landed in a way that we didn't sink. The back was full of water. But we were "floating" or more like sinking very slowly with no way out. Our assignment is still to save this boy. But there are people dying right and left. I try to get the boy to come with me but he won't come. He is so rude and mean and he won't come with me unless I give him more chocolate, but I don't have any more chocolate.

Then I'm so scared I'm crying and the boy is screaming and he has chocolate smeared on his face. The rest of my group is gone. All of a sudden I'm back in the pool with the caskets trying to swim but there are too many caskets and some of the bodies aren't inside the caskets they're floating around. I keep getting caught on the arms of the corpses and I can't seem to get enough air...

And then I wake up

1/27/10: Time Travelling Step by Step and The Lambert Daughters

2010-01-27T10:56:00.000-08:00

You're not gonna believe this. I don't believe this. How could I be so lucky? I built a time machine, and it works. Not only does it works, it works so wonderful that I can travel not only through time but through memory, and old retired sitcoms. This is great. What to do first? My brother and I jump in and travel back to 1991 (the dial was set to go back 3 years, so I think this took place in 1994, pending carbon dating), to go visit our favorite family in the whole wide world, the Lamberts from Step-By-Step. Mainly we wanted to visit the daughters, as if we traveled back in time we would finally be at an appropriate age to date them.

We first arrived at a slaughterhouse, unfortunately, and went through a very tragic tour of such inhumanities. But we got over it, and took the bacon sample at the end of the tour eagerly, thoroughly enjoying pork products at the expense of cute animals. After that we went outside and for some reason or another had to avoid the fuzz so we ducked in corners whenever a car came (it was night so it was easy to see their headlights). We managed to hike the mile it took to get to that house we know all so well, and kicked it with J.T. in the garage for a while, then hid in the backyard the rest of the night.

When we woke, we were surrounded by the beauties we call Dana and Al (but not Karen, she's the ugly one and I give her to my brother) and they coaxed us to explain who we were. Of course, we lied, and said we just moved in to town, and we're runaways, because hey, it worked for ol' Leo DiCaprio in Growing Pains. Apparently the early nineties were times of trust, because they cooed over us and took us in to be their own projects. While Karen (the ugly one) was schmoozing over my brother much to his disgust, Dana and Al (who is not a dude, if you watched the show (or were cool enough to) you would know Al is short for Alicia) were asking me questions, and inching closer and closer to me on the couch. While amidst the flirtatious wonder I was sitting in, a friend of mine named Ander - who was not part of a sitcom, and did not get in the time machine with us - started pelting the Lambert's window with snowballs, all the while yelling "POOPSANDWICH!" and telling me to come out so we could have a snowball war. I remained, however, in my position of comfort, not at all paying attention to the ruckus he was causing.

Eventually it came time to leave back to our own time (the parents came home), and so we skedaddled back to the time machine and left Ander there to continue throwing snowballs. Who knows, maybe when we return we'll be in an episode of the mystery runaways, and Ander will have a permanent supporting role as the snowball-throwing schmuck in season 3. Anyway, yeah. I got some Step-by-Step nookie. Bam, suckas.

END

1/4-1/5: Oh Deer. I think I drank too much again.

2010-01-06T01:17:00.000-08:00

Last night, I dreamed I was working (overnight security) and a deer came up to me and started eating out of my hand, then started nuzzling me. then it spoke to me with its mind, and asked me if I knew anywhere it could get a job. I told it it just doesn't work like that, it has to go down to the employment office and see. "the employment office?" it said... sort-of-ly. "No, silly, the ANIMAL employment office."

12/19: Too Many Movie Previews

2009-12-19T08:49:00.001-08:00

I blame this one on the 30 movie previews I watched right before bed.

I was a detective. A dang good detective, at that. That's right. I was such a big deal that when there was a mass murder/kidnapping in the Big Apple they called me on the west coast to go and solve it. I was amazing. Apparently. This particular case was a doozie, a real doozie. Some freak decided to kidnap 20 people and pack em in a school bus, drive them to the local zoo, and force them into the penguin habitat. You would think that would be a little less dangerous than, say, the lion, or tiger, or kangaroo habitat. But I fear this man knew what he was doing. Once the kidnapped people felt safe he whacked one and threw him in the water. The penguins went crazy... like piranhas, they viciously devoured most of the body, leaving only the legs - which, by the time we got there, were three-days bloated and saturated with penguin water. The remainder of the kidnapped huddled in a corner while the penguins threatened them too, after they had their first taste of human flesh. A couple more were lost to the mysteriously fatal beasts, but we showed up in time to rescue them. Once they were all out of the habitat, we held them in a room and let them take showers and clean up. One girl was particularly shaken up so me and another guard tried to interview her to figure out what happened. Halfway through the interview, another girl came up and tried to body slam her mid-sentence. We pulled the crazy girl off and tried to separate her. It took two of us but she calmed down. A lot of the victims decided to take naps so we let them... but as the interview girl was sleeping the crazy girl tried to roll over and steamroll her, so we had to keep pushing her off. It was nothing short of ridiculous. Then, out of left field, one of the men started laughing diabolically and held a gun in the air, shouting "It was me, it was me! MUAHAHAHA!!" So we shot him. And everyone clapped. And that was that.

Go me.

END

12/9-12/10: Veluptua's Secret / Soup in Tiger

2009-12-10T10:18:00.000-08:00

(It's about time I dream something that I don't feel weird about writing down!)

Dream 1:

One day I went down to the local music venue called Veluptua. Usually there's a lot of posers, preppies, and porkheads that hang out there, but this night there was no one. I walked around inside and right before I was going to leave, my friend Wanda called me over to the back. Now normally this place doesn't have much of a back, just kind of a mini band room and a hallway. But apparently in the dream they expanded and now had offices - it looked legit, like they actually did something important there. Wanda showed me around and then handed me over to some military guy still in reliefs from Vietnam to give me the rest of the tour. I felt strangely comfortable, and could see myself hanging out here often. "Big" local stars were walking around aimlessly like they were zombies until you talked to them, then they came to life and started telling you their band story, even if you just asked them where the bathroom was. After the tour was done Wanda offered - no wait - demanded that she pay for everyone's lunch at some expensive chinese place and threw a menu my way. I felt bad because apparently she had paid for like 3 other meals of mine in the past and I was running a large tab, but she stared me down and forced me to find something on the menu, which took me like an hour. After everyone was pissed at me for taking so long, she finally took off and was back in bout 10 seconds with everyone's food. Just before we started eating, Wanda says, "Now all y'all owe me BIGtime! HaHAAA!!" We ignored her and just ate our lovely chinese take-out. Halfway thru my meal, I ran into nationally-known (in the folk world at least) Joshua James just chillin'. He came up to me and said, "Hey, you're from that band Pirate Empire, right?" I said yeah, and wondered how the heck he even knew our name, much less recognized me. We conversed for hours and hours about each others' music, why he turned down the record deal, and all sorts of things, like what underwear to don on stage. So, Veluptua became a lot cooler than I once thought it was. Yay.

END #1

Dream 2:

This dream was not by any means shorter than the last, but a lot less happened. Apparently I liked this girl that worked at a travel agency so I decided to book my trip to California through her so I could hit on her and take her out. She was there, but she passed me off to book a trip through this big ol' russian lady with a thick accent who refused to book me a trip anywhere but this small new country near her motherland called "Tiger". I said no, but she started tossing me some luggage, my ticket (I hadn't even paid for it), and started making soup in a freakin' bowl the size of montana. I didn't even know half the crap she was throwing in there, it was scaring me. I said, "Lady, I don't want your soup, and I don't like your country! Leave me alone!" and jumped the counter to go find the girl. She was in the corner laughing her head off, so I walked up to her and planted a fatty kiss on her luscious lips and took off, leaving her in a quasi-catatonic state. Then I left for California.

END #2

Spurg's Dream #1: Turtle Soup

2009-10-08T00:26:00.000-07:00

I have a friend, and his name is Spurg. Upon hearing that this dream blog was created he started sending me his whacked out, potentially drug-induced dreams (actually, probably not drug-induced.... being around him is like a drug itself, and he's a straight-edger anyway) via email. I decided to represent his lovely night-visions by posting one here, hopefully he won't mind too much. My brother, by the way, designed the lovely artwork posted in this particular dream, and I feel you will see it represents the dream well. Enjoy.

"massive dream last night.

going to the mall w a lady friend from high school. it;s my b-day and she;s buying me a gps from the old spencer's store.
it was bought by the church and now is called 'spencer's w kimball gps store' 'we keep you on the right track' is the motto.
were driving a pontiac g-6 thats all ratty. i thought those were supposed to be nice. the center rear view mirror is the same one from my old vw bus.
as we pull into the parking lot of the mall, there are flashing lights up ahead. a tow truck.
it's got a car on the back. possibly a car. not a car. it's a giant desert tortoise.
the driver has winched it up onto the back and is strapping it down.

she stops the car in the middle of the street and goes over the the driver and they start to talk. they are there for forever and our car is blocking the road. she is starting to flash a wad, and peals off hundreds for the the driver. not enough he says, more cash, not enough. she's buying the turtle. i snoop through her purse and discover that the boss of the water district (she works for the water district in real life) a man / lady named pat mullroy secretly and illegally eats endangered turtles.
my friend is her scout is always on the look out for the biggest tasty ones, and she's buying this one from the tow truck guy right in front of me to give to her boss for soup.
tons of cash is flying now and the guy is now smiling and shaking his head ok.

that's pretty much it. "

Wisandra's Different Life + editorial

2009-10-02T16:23:00.000-07:00

Believe it or not, I was once cool enough to have a girlfriend. And now I'm not. Therefore, Wisandra (name changed, obviously... do you really know any "Wisandra"s around?) is my EX-girlfriend. Probably a good choice on her part. Well in REAL life, Wisandra got married and remains happily so with a baby along the way. Congrats. In dream life, however, a lil sumn-sumn else is going on. Let's find out what [turns on tv that displays my dreams, grabs bowl of kettle corn and sits arse down in laz-y-boy chair]:

I live in a place that is full of pricks - to put it nicely. They're a bit nicer apartments, private rooms, and for some reason that translates to people as "if I live here I get to be a giant d-bag and treat everyone like they're below me." I apparently didn't get the memo and upon attempting some social interaction soon learned the Columbia Cove Code of living (all this so far is true, by the way). I felt especially ostracized and was wondering if I really did emanate slime from my pores like they seemed to be imagining as they sneeringly walked past me. While wondering this very thing, I ran into said ex-girlfriend Wisandra, who I still hold in high regard as a friend and someone who knows me a great deal better than most people. I asked her how the baby was coming along and she began to talk about it, but then she mentioned someone's name that wasn't the name of the husband I knew she had. In curiosity I asked her if she really meant to say Tony instead of Columbus (don't you love these name changes?) and she replied in the affirmative. "What happened to Columbus? I thought it was him you were married to..." She looked at me like I had been living in a cave for the past 3 years and corrected me saying that Columbus was the boyfriend AFTER me, but before Tony, to whom she was legally and lawfully wedded. Oh. But she sighed, and said, "...There is something I need to tell you, however... about your apartment complex and why they hate you." Oh, great... so it's widely known that I'm hated in my own home. She continued, "Columbus lived in Columbia Cove when I was dating him, and... well, you were the reason that we broke up. He and I were engaged at one point and everyone there knew it, and right before the wedding... I broke it off. It was because..."

"Because what?" I asked, now very curious to see what was going on and why my guts were so despised by so many.

"...because I was still in love with you." The statement hit me like a ton of bricks. What the heck was going on?

"And why are you telling me this now, with a solid marriage and a kid on the way?" She shifted and directed her eyes elsewhere besides on me. I had a feeling I knew what she was going to say, so I decided to say it first. "So it's not so solid, is it?"

"No."

"Well," I said, pointing to her abdomen, "I believe you had better do something about it, then. You guys need to get it right before someone else is involved."

She began to tear up, and I didn't know what was appropriate to do, so I just stood there. It wasn't long before she took action, though. Before I knew what was going on she had her arms around me and began to kiss me, and it wasn't exactly a 'friend to friend' kind of kiss. I backed off as rapidly as I could, imagining that if I even enjoyed the experience I was going straight to hell for aiding in the infidelity of a married woman.

"What the hell was that?!?"

That last statement, however, was said out loud in the real world at 9:37 am this morning.

END

**Editorial:

After having this dream, I went back to sleep and just focused my thoughts on something else. Within what seemed a matter of seconds what I was focusing on came to life and there it was in dream form, but I knew that it was not reality. I changed the subject to something ridiculous, like a badger wearing a tu-tu (I've always wanted to see a badger in a tu-tu... jay kay) and there it was, right there in front of me. I changed the subject again to the girl of my dreams (heh, get it?) and thought, "well this is nice..." before changing the entire scene to the paint world out of the film "What Dreams May Come" and frolicking with her through the fields of mauve and chartreuse. I was experiencing a true lucid dream and was loving every second of it. I was somewhere in between dreaming and reality and was able to play out scenarios and pass tests and imagine myself successful at life... oh what excitement! I hope that I can do something like this every night!

9/28-9/29: Action!

2009-09-29T11:44:00.000-07:00

The following is what happens when you combine eating a greasy mexican torta de carnitas with a 2-day-old mint brownie - then sleep.

My friend Barney and I were desperately poor. Something had to give. We had thought of movie idea after movie idea and nothing was working out. Then, out of the blue, he suggested we make a movie about lifting weights... there weren't many movies out there for body builders, not feature-length fictional movies anyway! We began immediately writing the script and finished in somewhat under 2 hours (we write really fast in the dream world, apparently). It was good... no, it was great... but something was missing. We needed some quick inspiration, so we headed over to the nearest Gold's Gym to get some musclehead advice. As people were coming and leaving we stopped them and gathered them all together where Barney stood on a soapbox and preached the pitch to this movie, as I spoke to them and got their information and their opinion about the movie. Reception was good, except for one lady that stepped away from the crowd. I ran after her and asked her what she thought. She turned and said, "I think it's ridiculous. I'm busy, goodbye now," and started to take off. I grabbed her arm lightly to tell her not to go and we glanced at each other's faces. [Enter romantic encounter music here] I softly told her to stay, trying my best to hold back my emotions that were at this point bounding up all sorts of walls. She licked her lips and said she desperately wanted to but couldn't. "Why not?" I asked her, to which she replied, "Because I have my groceries in the car and have to make dinner for my kids." [Enter record-being-stopped-noise here] WHOA. What?!? "Yes, I have 2 kids that are waiting for me. But, hopefully I'll see you again..." She left, and so did my lunch, as I realized I just hit on a married woman with children. UGHGHGHGHGHGH.

Upon going back over to my friend Barney who was finishing up getting everyone's info, I realized that half the people that were writing things down had just come off a bus - for the local mental hospital patients. I just looked at Barney awkwardly and sighed.

END

9/20 - 9/21: False Alarm

2009-09-21T15:28:00.000-07:00

Ever had one of those dreams where you wake up but you're not really awake? You probably have, and it's not at all unusual. It happens so frequently that someone even made a wikipedia article out of it (shown here). The one I had last night was just as vivid as actually waking up... in fact I could not tell the difference whatsoever between the dream reality of laying in my bed and the real thing minutes later. I wonder if one can have perpetual false awakenings throughout the night... that would drive someone insane. On to the dream:

I woke up on my own, though I knew I had set my alarm for 10am. I looked at my cell phone time and it said 1:30pm. That couldn't be right... I rubbed my eyes and looked again, making sure my thumb wasn't covering a number, but 1:30 was broadcast over the top. Great. I missed not one, not two, but three of my classes. Wonderful for my grades. Suddenly the phone rang while still in my hand, and it was Sgt. Brody, my superior at the police station (I've had other dreams with him in them lately... wonder what that means). He didn't say hi, didn't even tell me what he was doing. He simply asked me to "advertise a towel" to him. Uh, okay... so I began trying different voices and accents and advertised this towel as if I were in a radio commercial. I was hit or miss but probably gave him 10 different approaches to the towel ad. Once I was done, he simply said, "Alright, you're hired. I need you here in 15 minutes, can you do that?" Despite the fact that I still thought I was actually awake, I didn't clue in to how friggin weird this was and all I asked him was, "Where at, and how much does it pay?" Before I got an answer I woke up - but for real this time. I began the same exact way that I did in the dream and looked at my cell phone. This time it said 9:59am, 1 minute before the alarm was to sound. I hate that.

END

9/10 - 9/11: MechWarrior vs Fat Brad Pitt / Georgia habla espanol!

2009-09-11T08:56:00.000-07:00

I tried to run, I tried to hide, but with this awful Mechwarrior thing behind me it was making it difficult. I was in this group of hooligans hanging out at an old abandoned warehouse-full facility just exploring. Someone tipped the cops off that we were there so we heard some sirens and started to run... but then we heard something else that was a little more of a big deal. "BAROOOOOOM!!" We looked behind us and there was this metallic beast ready to eat our flesh. It grabbed the slowest one of us and threw him 100 yards away and the rest of us scattered - every man for himself. I ran into some of the warehouses and found stuff that may be useful... mainly guns, and what appeared to be a couple lightsabers. Hmm, that could come in handy. I grabbed a gun and a lightsaber and ran as the machine apparently could sense I was there even through the building walls. I booked it and hid myself cleverly, hoping to escape unscathed and with a new lightsaber... but then in came the cavalry - literally. About a hundred men dressed up in British Redcoat attire (circa 1776) came piling into the warehouse lot with their muskets and swords at the ready. By then I could kinda tell I was dreaming, and even in the dream I did a doubletake and said to myself, "Seriously?" I brushed it out of my mind that "the British are coming" to fight the mechwarrior with sticks and stones and continued sneaking away to my exit point. I was almost free when I saw something else that caused me to doubletake: a fatter Brad Pitt mauling some of the soldiers as they entered with a lightsaber all the while absorbing bullets when shot at by the british. I'd seen it all. But then he saw me and started running after me. I booked it and decided to pull out the lightsaber of my own in the event there was some sort of epic duel to follow. As we were running I noticed he was getting tired so I yelled back taunts like, "Hey BRAD, you gettin a little heavy back there? Lay off the donuts chubbs!" I think I got free finally, but then someone yelled, "Cut! Back to one!" and I realized that I was in a film. I took a look at my lightsaber and realized it was just one of those ones where you fling it and the plastic sections all align. Great.

END #1

DREAM #2

Georgia, who doesn't know spanish in real life but is taking some classes now, addressed me in spanish.

END #2

9/7-9/8: New Decisions for the Worst

2009-09-08T12:59:00.001-07:00

My friend Georgia and I took a trip down to grand ol' Las Vegas on a whim, just to have fun for the weekend but doing so without the aid of nudie bars or slot machines... though blackjack tables are quite the temptation for me. Georgia was a bit down and in an attempt to cheer her up I took her to my favorite restaurant on the strip, where I inadvertently ran into my father and two of his work buddies who had us sit at their table. We chatted small talk and the waitress came to take our drink order, to which I simply ordered water. Georgia's order, however, was a bit more colorful. Rick, one of my father's friends, ordered a beer, which wasn't a big deal (he wasn't a mormon like myself and Georgia were)... but then he asked Georgia if she would like to order a pitcher with him, to which she unfortunately agreed. I looked at her very strangely and she just weakly smiled at me, almost in defiance. I stood her up and pulled her aside away from the table and sternly asked her if she really wanted to do this, and if she had even drunken alcohol before. She continued to give me the funny smile and said, "Yeah." I was quite a bit disappointed to hear that, and didn't know what I should do, let her make the mistake of ordering the beer or just grab her and leave, which I'm sure further down the road she would not have regretted as much as the former option. The dream stopped there.

END

9/6-9/7: Bees in a Weather Sock

2009-09-07T10:27:00.000-07:00

I'm in a hurry, but this is a good one...

My good friend Stiny from Las Vegas (name changed) that I hadn't seen or spoken to for over 5 months came to visit me with his dad one weekend, and I was delighted to have them come up; mainly because I had already cut ties with that friend somehow, and I loved his family and his dad was someone that I saw regularly as I was often over Stiny's house more than my own. He was in not so good of health, however, so Stiny and I came up with a couple of plans to scare him into being a healthier person - he had overeating problems, and mostly a huge lack of motivation. We started the weekend's festivities by going to Outback Steakhouse, the dad's favorite restaurant. It was there that we broke the news that we were going to force him to get healthier, lose weight, get a job, motivate himself, yadda yadda yadda. Of course it didn't take, so we informed him that we were going to use a bit more drastic measures the next time. He continued to eat his steak and bloomin' onion (tm) without so much as acknowledging what we were saying. Little did he know how serious we were taking this.

We thought about what we could do, and came up with an idea that we were certain would work. The dad HATES bees. Who doesn't, besides bee keepers at least? But his hatred was a bit more passionate than normal... you could even say it was a phobia, which worked perfectly for our plan. After calling around we went to the only pet store in town that had bees for sale. When we entered this store we were hit by a wave of stench that should only belong in creepy dungeons and landfills. We made our way through the fog and got to the manager of the pet store and asked him if he had the bees. He played dumb, and was thoroughly enraging me to the point of where I began to yell. He got a smirk on his face and said, "sure, I got your bees..." and went in the back room, of where I didn't dare to follow as the smell was eminating from that exact location. We determined he could not be human to be able to withstand such olfactory offense. He returned with what looked like a weather sock buzzing incessantly. I bought it and we took off towards our mark, ready to make him motivate.

As I was driving down to where my friend and his dad were staying the "check engine" light came on in my car. I ignored it, as it comes on every time one of my pistons misfires (which happens every other week or so) and it usually goes away within the day. We arrived at our destination and carefully untied the bag of bees, gripping the top so that they wouldn't fly out. We reached the dad and began to explain just how drastic of measures we'd taken to exact our proposal and he began to shake in fear. The fear was not enough, however, as he did not agree to our request, and Stiny qued me to release some bees. I let about 30 leave the bag and they drunkenly swaggered away in the air, leaving all three of us to be a little perplexed. The buzzing from the bag even stopped, and shaking couldn't revive the sound. I began to investigate ever so carefully and in that process, I dropped the bag to the ground by accident. The dad and Stiny started to run, but I just cringed thinking I was a dead man, but the only thing that was dead were the objects in the bag. The crappy pet store owner not only gave me a bag of drunken bees, but dumped dead household bugs he had collected into this weather sock to pass off as the rest of the bees - and at once I knew where the pungent smell of his pet store came from. We all ran to our cars, and I drove away as fast as I could. I did not make it out of the parking lot before it happened... the check engine light became a "seriously, check your freaking engine!" light, and moments later became a "TURN YOUR S*** AROUND AND TURN OFF THE DAMN CAR NOW!!!!" light, and right after noticing how interesting that my car had a light that advised me of such oncoming danger, BOOM! JI came to a couple seconds later and saw nothing but smoke and blown up dash. I got out of my car and checked its horrible state. My engine had most definitely exploded.

Moral to the dream: don't threaten people with bees, especially don't threaten pet store owners that are selling you the bees, and maybe every once in a while you should check out why your check engine light is on.

END

8/30 - 8/31: The House and The Snow Leopard

2009-08-31T07:39:00.000-07:00

Shorter dream than the previous one. Started out with my good friend Charlie and I in a lunch line at BYU (though he doesn't attend there) waiting for a really cruddy hamburger. The lady at the counter told us, however, that we could wait one hour and get this deluxe burger for the same price that was double the size, and both of us agreed to that. Right as we were going to pay for the meal a cute girl comes running up and begs us both to buy her something too. Charlie, being the nice fellow he is, started to order something else for this girl (whom I recognized from real life as being the girl my former roommate and I have dubbed "the snow leopard" as she figuratively pounced on me, her prey, on our first date) while I was hesitant still. I ignored her request, especially as Charlie had it taken care of. In between paying for the meal and actually eating it Charlie wanted to show me the home he had just bought for himself and his wife... it happened to be the exact layout of my parents' home, and it also happened to be completely trashed. I offered for him to just move into my apartment complex but he was excited about the house despite it's horrendous condition. Just then the snow leopard came out of nowhere and started trying to start Charlie's car, which happened to be the same car that I had driven all last semester of school - an Isuzu Rodeo (piece of crap). It started but we pulled her out before she took off and turned the key to the off position... however, the car did not stop running and it put itself in gear and started driving forward. Unfortunately for Charlie his new house was placed somewhat close to a cliff and thus his car drove itself off of it. As we tore after the snow leopard the dream ended.

8/29 - 8/30

2009-08-30T16:53:00.000-07:00

Perhaps this was inspired by my recent addiction to watching the Sci-Fi Cowboy series "Firefly", but this dream could have been an episode right out of it.

I was on a ship of no great value but was one that carried around 20 people, some of which were family, most of which were simply travelers as if it were some sort of intergalactic small commercial craft. We landed on a planet somewhere that seemed to support life, but had a small problem. A group on our ship were researchers and were interested in checking it out, while the rest of us were interested in having a picnic on what looked like a beautiful green valley. We arranged our lunch and were enjoying ourselves until someone noticed that another was missing. We called out but heard no answer... and that's when we noticed that below us the beautiful green valley of grass and flowers was quickly turning into a bog and the ground was sinking down. I didn't think much of it until we heard a loud hissing noise from below. The captain ordered people back on the ship but as they moved thru the boggy parts of the small valley to return (as not all of it had yet turned bog) the hissing got louder and they stopped - unfortunately one stopped while in the boggy part itself. At the pinnacle of the hissing, a large snakelike creature leaped out and pulled the man into the bog in a matter of a second. Then another was pulled in in the same manner seconds later. The captain caught on quick and yelled at everyone to stay away from the boggy parts, and this seemed to keep the rest safe, although the hissing did not stop. There was no way back to the ship without having to run through at least a couple sunken parts, so we were stuck and had nothing to use. Some people tried throwing rocks at the bogs to try to hit the mysterious creature that appeared from nowhere but to no avail, it seemed to be nowhere and everywhere at the same time. A few of my brothers that were closer to the ship had a plan to get back, though I really don't remember it. We made it back safely to the ship and grabbed shovels, hoes, knives, and anything sharp we could get, as the only way to stop this thing was to do what you do to any snake - chop off the head. Without inventing detail (as in the dream I received none) we managed to coax the beast to try to attack and as it did so caught it and laid it down to prepare to decapitate it with a shovel, but at the moment we were about to do so the "old sage woman" of the ship somehow spoke into our minds and told us to not kill it, that it had a greater purpose. We battled it with each other for some time but decided to follow the admonition and held onto the creature as the rest of the people ran back to safety on the ship. When everyone had returned, we threw the creature as far away from us as we could and ran to the ship. I never got to discover what this purpose was and we flew away. Other details I left out was a part where a girl whom I was particularly attracted to (but I did not recognize from real life) came and seduced me and we ended up spooning... in public. While the snake creature was at large. I suppose all the excitement got us needing some body heat. END